Tonight
I drove for an hour
Drove for an hour and a goddamn circle,
Ending right where I started
Or maybe…maybe it meant something. Maybe I got somewhere
As much as it hurts its empowering,
Knowing you’re so close
But it doesn’t change a thing
Telling myself I’m driving my way back home,
Home to you
But all I can hear is the hollow sound of my fingers
Drumming along with some pointless R&B song on the radio
Usually I’d sing along, but tonight I don’t even hear it
All I can see is the road ahead, all the memories I can finally let in
And of course I could’ve blocked them out
It would’ve been easy enough
A bend in the road, an exit sign
Turn around, go back to a warm fire and laugh it off
This chasing down crazy ideas and thinking of hearing your voice again
I’m on cruise control. Thinking, breathing, moving

I sat and drummed and considered my existence, isolated and alone in a dark and deserted universe
And it didn’t seem crazy at all
Even so, I’ll keep it to myself
You never did seem to entertain my habits of spontaneous passion
So many opportunities to take it all back--
But I have nothing else to do
And after all, I’ve always loved the view of the river at night
Black and flowing and never-ending, looking like eternity
Safe in my car I can look down and smile
Smile at the glorious moon, telling me my heart will be full again
Smile at the black mountains, strong and constant, ready to swallow me up
Ever since you didn’t want me anymore

You don’t want me anymore

I’ve hit the end of the freeway, and our absurd notions have come full circle
I’ve finally learned to draw comfort from turning my back on you
And it’s beautiful
Beautiful
(how appropriate--I don’t think you ever knew the meaning of the word)
Beautiful to know I can ride this seesaw of fucked-up emotion as long as I want
Just to turn back around and do exactly what you did to me
Except you were never crazy, when it came to me. Never mad, never wild
God I’ve been driving for an hour in the fog. I can’t even really remember…
And there’s nothing crazy about that
I’m 30 miles and a few weeks from where you are
Tonight it seems like nothing at all.